For the Love of Lila Read online

  He returned to his seat and leaned over the desk, hands clasped in front of him. “I’ll take you to France with me, but only if you agree to leave your trust intact—at least until you

  have spoken with your cousin.”

  She pursed her lips. “I won’t go to her empty-handed. I’ll still need that money eventually.”

  “I can access the trust for you at any later date. I’m often in Paris on my father’s behalf. I can have the interest forwarded to you there and check with you regularly to see if you require any of the principle. Meanwhile, you will retain the best possible investment.”

  She moistened her lips, an enticement that multiplied his doubts—and, he couldn’t help but acknowledge, excitement—about the plan. “This could make an appreciable difference in my future standard of living.”

  He nodded. “Precisely. Then you’ll agree to the bargain?”

  “I have no reason to decline, but I’d hardly call it a bargain for you. Your stipulation benefits me alone.”

  “Preserving your trust will relieve me of some of the debt I owe your father. He provided me with invaluable research materials throughout my later years at university. Indeed, he was a great influence in my life during an important period.”

  She smiled. “I’m glad you feel that way. Besides, my contribution to our expenses will do you some good, won’t it? I hope my savings is enough to cover my portion. If not, I will, naturally, reimburse you later.”

  “Forget your expenses. Traveling with you will scarcely cost me any more than traveling alone.”

  “Oh, no. I will be paying half of everything.”

  He met her gaze, so fixed and sure. He knew she would insist on her point. “Very well.”

  “Then we have a deal.” She stood and shook his hand. Her fingers felt slim and soft but full of warm vitality. “I only wish I knew how to thank you.”

  “You can thank me by exerting the utmost discretion.” He let his hand slide from hers, disturbed by the awareness her touch aroused in him. “I think our best tactic would be to pose as husband and wife. I can obtain some papers that would—”

  “I prefer our other plan—for me to dress as a boy.” The firmness of her tone challenged any contradiction.

  “That would be far more involved. You would have to keep up a constant masquerade—a difficult one.”

  “I rather think it would be fun.” Her lips widened with a hint of a smile.

  His stomach knotted. How on earth could she see any diversion in the face of such risk? He began to suspect she had a hoydenish streak, a yearning for adventure. He gave her a stern look. “Miss Covington, I assure you that fun will not come to play in this venture. Surely, you realize what a serious matter retaining our anonymity will be.”

  “Oh, yes. Don’t worry. I’m used to serious matters.” Her cheerful tone seemed to belie her words. To top it off, she let her smile grow into a grin that exposed an even set of teeth, as perfect as the rest of her features. For the first time, the realization struck him fully that he truly would be traveling alone with this beautiful woman!

  His heartbeat quickened, and he concentrated on taking slow breaths. He suspected he would be doing a good deal of this sort of concentrating over the coming weeks—but that wasn’t his chief concern. He could control his own behavior. Miss Covington’s was the open question. He could only hope she would not behave carelessly and get them discovered.

  He gave her a sidelong glance, taking in her mischievous grin. What was he thinking? Of course she’d behave carelessly. She had from the moment she’d walked into his office.

  Good Lord, what had he got himself into?

  CHAPTER THREE

  Lila knelt and peered into the blackness under her bed, looking for the crate that held the final touch to her costume, a pair of men’s boots lent to her by Mr. Wyndam. The oil lamp on the dresser shed the faintest of light, but she didn’t dare turn up the flame. Mr. Wyndam had warned her—among a score of other warnings—to have her chamber dark when he came to fetch her at the boarding house. He’d been so worried that they might be seen together that he’d made her nervous as well.

  Lord knew why, she thought, grasping amidst unseen dust balls until her fingers struck rough-hewn wood. Careful to avoid an audible scrape as she slid the crate out, she reasoned that even if they got spotted, the cost would be trivial. As a man, Mr. Wyndam would be forgiven his indiscretion. The majority of censure would fall on her, and she didn’t care a fig about society’s arbitrary scruples. She would know she’d acted with honor. And soon she’d be a Channel away from whatever gossip ensued. Indeed, she had no cause for anxiety.

  Well...there was that one small detail.

  Her attention strayed from the heavy boots she was lifting from the crate to the dresser where the landlady left the post—or would have, if Lila had received any. The only letter she’d hoped for was a response to the one she’d sent her cousin. Now she was leaving London sooner than expected, too soon for any message from Paris to reach her.

  She rose and sat on the bed, trying to dismiss her concerns as she pulled on her cumbersome footwear. Felicity was bound to be sympathetic, having gone through the difficulties of resettling overseas herself. And Lila would be sure not to impose on her for long. She’d made that clear in her own letter, which would have reached Paris well before now.

  With a deep breath, she buckled the second boot and held out one heavy leg to check its appearance. Despite the tension she felt, she nearly laughed at the clownlike enormity of her foot. Setting her leg back down, she smoothed her loose leather breeches into the tops of the boots. Then she stood to judge the full effect of her disguise.

  Her first step toward the looking glass made an alarming clunk on the floor. She managed to make the next one quieter, but her gait felt clumsy, and she judged her steps rather mincing for a young man. Blast it! She should have taken the time to practice her stride. Now she’d have to play the part unrehearsed. And, no doubt, Mr. Wyndam would notice.

  Before she reached the mirror, a scratch sounded at the door, quickening the blood in her arteries. She reminded herself she had no cause for anxiety, but her heart pounded. Why that organ would not listen to reason eluded her.

  She crept up close to the slit between door and frame and whispered, “Who’s there?”

  “Wyndam,” the barrister’s voice hissed though the crack.

  Her fingers trembled as she undid the latch and opened the door. But the sight awaiting her surprised away her fit of nerves. If she hadn’t known Mr. Wyndam’s identity beforehand, she might not even have recognized him. Though the pre-dawn temperature could not be called chilly, he wore a greatcoat with a high-point collar that hid most of his face. To add to his concealment, he had fixed a top hat down low on his brow. He looked like the villain of a novel rather than the hero that his treatment of her suggested.

  She held back from commenting and murmured a greeting, moving aside for him to enter.

  He glanced up and down the hall, ducked into the room and shut the door. Taking off his hat, he nodded at her over the ridiculous collar. “Are you ready?”

  “I think so.” Afraid she might giggle if she studied his attire any longer, she stepped up to the looking glass to inspect her own. A “young man” stared back at her, slight, but more plausible than she had feared. She couldn’t help but smile. “I make a fine lad, don’t I?”

  In the mirror’s recesses, she could see Mr. Wyndam glide up behind her and push aside his collar. Even in the poor lighting, the blue of his eyes stood out as he looked over her shoulder. She admired the way they fixed intently on their object—currently her reflection.

  Then she saw his eyebrows crunch together.

  “Oh, no.” He shook his head, his gaze skimming the length of her mirrored image. “No, this won’t do at all. Caroline Lamb made a more convincing boy, dressed as a page for that foolish painting she commissioned.”

  Her smile flattened. Caroline Lamb? Why, the woman’s gre
atest ambition in life had been chasing Lord Byron. Though Lila conceded that her own alter ego might not appear the most masculine of men, Wyndam needn’t have compared her to that aimless coquette.

  Chin held high, she turned ninety degrees and observed her reflection from the side. “I think I look well enough. These breeches do a tolerable job of hiding my hips. The shirt, I confess, appears somewhat lumpy. The lawn is too thin to hide my bindings. Do you think I should redo them to get them flatter?”

  He glanced at her chest and quickly away again.

  His embarrassment prompted a pang of guilt in her. She wondered if she had pushed the bounds of propriety on purpose, testing him, after a fashion. If so, she should have known he would react as he had done. For a man about to embark on a scandalous adventure, Tristan Wyndam was inordinately prudent. She couldn’t have been safer if she’d been traveling with a brother.

  “Only look at your face,” he said, though he kept his own gaze averted. “No lad has a complexion so smooth or with such a rosy glow.”

  She frowned and stepped closer to the glass. Of course her complexion looked smooth. She didn’t, after all, actually have whiskers to shave. But her cheeks did appear more flushed than normal, like those of a debutante who’d pinched them to impress a suitor.

  Lord, she hoped Mr. Wyndam hadn’t thought as much. Perhaps that was the reason Caro Lamb had sprung to his mind.

  “It must be the excitement,” she said. “What do you expect, under these circumstances?”

  “I hardly expect you to be excited.” The pitch of his voice indicated she’d stunned him. Indeed, he forgot himself enough to focus on her reflection again. “I expect you to be pale with worry about your reputation—the way you ought to be.”

  Ought to be? If he’d wanted a phrase to stoke her indignation, he couldn’t have chosen better. She ought to have been able to make a journey to Paris without any necessity for pretense, and until now she had believed Mr. Wyndam thought so, too. The hint that he nurtured “false scruples” put her on the defensive, and she spun away from the mirror to face him.

  “Funny, but you appear rather flushed yourself.”

  He stared at her, and she imagined his face colored a shade deeper before his skin—and emotions—cooled. She had to give him credit for holding her gaze when, she felt sure, he must long to look away.

  “I know you have a rational mind, Miss Covington.” The intensity of his eyes surprised her. “Your father was a great scholar, and I can tell from our conversations that you’ve inherited his reason. Do you truly believe that passing for a boy won’t be more difficult than posing as a married woman?”

  She meant to tap one foot in annoyance, but a resulting thump embarrassed her into stopping.

  Besides, his appeal to her intelligence had mollified her.

  “No,” she heard herself say. She moved a step away from him, substituting physical space for the mental distance she felt closing. “But I still feel strongly about my decision.”

  “Then, I imagine, you must have grounds for it.”

  His approach, she realized, not only mollified but impressed her. How often did a man show such respect for a woman’s intellect? The delicious rarity made her crave more, weakening her vow to conceal her personal beliefs. She wanted to show him the workings of her mind.

  “Frankly, Mr. Wyndam, I do not condone marriage.” She met his gaze from the corner of her eyes. “In too many cases, the institution amounts to little less than legal enslavement of a woman. Upon marrying, a wife’s property becomes her husband’s, even if he’s a gamester, a womanizer or a fool. Should he prove any of these, the wife has no legal means of dissolving the marriage. If she leaves anyway, she must surrender her children to their father, no matter how unsuited he is to raise them. But you are a barrister and know the laws better than I. Can you not find it in yourself understand my objections?”

  “I understand there are laws that need reform,” he said, the quickness of his answer surprising her, “and not only in the areas you mention. In fact, I hope eventually to enter the House of Commons and work toward redressing some of these injustices. But at present we are speaking of a masquerade, a feigned marriage to which neither of our names would be attached.”

  While she took in his words, he continued to watch her face. His respect and logic persisted in eroding the edges of her resolve. But the treatment was so singular that she wondered if she’d fallen for a barrister’s trick, an ability to assess one’s audience and glean what sort of argument would win them over.

  She dropped her gaze to the toes of her boots. “I don’t know. It’s a matter of principle...”

  At that moment, the sing-song voice of the watch interrupted, drifting in through an open window. “Four o’clock and all is well...”

  Mr. Wyndam glanced toward the window, dimly illuminated by a gaslight from the street below. “We should have departed by now. We need to take advantage of darkness’s cover, especially until we reach the countryside. Stay with that costume, Miss Covington, but, while we ride, please put more thought into how comfortable you are dressed as a boy. The decision is yours. I simply ask that you look at all factors carefully.”

  Surprised that he’d left the choice to her, she watched him cross the room to where her luggage stood. Could he truly be as

  fair-minded as he seemed, or did he have a strategy for every aspect of his position?

  He leaned over to pick up her portmanteaux and bandbox. “I’ve obtained several false passports for each of us, so you can make the crossing in either guise you choose.”

  More evidence that he thought of everything. Still eyeing him, she said, “How efficient you are.”

  “I am, when I need to be.” He stashed her bandbox under an arm and took up both of her bags. Glancing about the room, he asked, “Is this everything you packed?”

  He looked her way, his gaze catching on hers. She steered her thoughts to his question and nodded, but she felt certain he sensed she’d been studying him.

  “How practical you are,” he said.

  “I am when I want to be.”

  The muscles in his cheeks tensed, and his brows began to move together again. The worry he felt about this journey showed clearly on his face. He wasn’t a scheming stoic. His thoughts and feelings showed as much as anyone else’s, and at the moment he obviously felt more tension than she. She remembered how he’d helped Petey and his mother, and her wariness unraveled.

  “Don’t worry,” she said, regretting her lack of regard for his feelings. “I shall always listen to reason, and you are quite a hand at serving up an argument. If you present all of your cases with the same logic you used a moment ago, I promise to deliver a fair verdict every time.”

  He raised his brows, then startled her with a laugh. “You have no idea how strange those sagacious words sound coming from the mouth of a foppish-looking stripling. Shall you be a judge when you grow up, lad? We could do with a few more of your integrity.”

  She grinned back. “An interesting prospect.” Before she could think twice, she found herself adding, “I am, however, more inclined toward a career in writing.”

  “Ah, like your father.” He turned toward the door, somehow managing to balance all of her luggage.

  She thought she ought to share the burden but suspected he would not agree. Allowing him this gallantry, she stepped ahead and opened the door for him. She peeked up and down the hall, then nodded to him.

  As he exited the room, she couldn’t resist whispering, “I don’t work in the same genre my father did. I am currently writing a novel. I plan to do translations, as well, chiefly for the sake of income.”

  “Interesting,” he whispered back. “You must tell me more about your work—as soon as we have stolen our way out to the carriage.”

  She hadn’t meant to say as much as she had, but his receptiveness made her eager to tell more. They would have to talk about something on the road, she reasoned as they slipped through the hall. Her writi
ng seemed a harmless enough topic.

  They escaped the house without detection and scurried around the corner to a hired carriage. By the time they had stowed her luggage and climbed atop the box of the barouche, Lila had already explained the theme of her novel. When they reached city limits, she was divulging the problems her chosen vocation had already caused her.

  Mr. Wyndam expressed appropriate offense on hearing that her Aunt Elizabeth had intercepted her queries to Blackwood’s magazine. And he was properly shocked that Uncle Casper had burned two hundred pages of fair-copied manuscript.

  “Is your cousin Felicity more supportive of your writing career?” he asked, around the time that lavender light started to bleed into the horizon.

  She watched the dew along the country roadside begin to sparkle—but a tightening in her abdomen hampered her enjoyment of the scene. “I believe she will be, once I’ve discussed it with her. My cousin and I haven’t seen one another in quite a few years. We shall need to update each other on many aspects of our lives.”

  In her peripheral vision, she noticed his gaze shifting to her face, but she continued surveying the passing farmland.

  “I should hate to see you exchange one intolerant home for another,” he said. “How much do you know about your cousin’s views of the world? Though there are a growing number of female authors, many people disapprove of women writing for money. Has your cousin shown a liberal mind in other matters you’ve discussed?”

  The knot in her belly constricted, but she forced herself to look at him. “She was liberal enough to leave my aunt and uncle’s home and take up on her own—though, Lord knows, she must have been provoked. I must admit that I don’t know the exact circumstances of her departure. I wouldn’t feel comfortable asking Felicity to defame her parents. As for my aunt and uncle, as you may have surmised, they do not speak of their daughter at all.”

  He frowned and looked ahead to the dusty lane. “I see why you two have catching up to do. You must have had difficulty exchanging letters while living with her parents. I hope she will look upon your ambitions kindly.”